[ReubenVP]

Don't go to jail if you stutter.

You may not finish your sentence.

[ReubenVP]

A vacuum cleaner salesman came to my door, poured a bag of dog poop on to the carpet, and said, "Sir, if this vacuum can't clean it completely, I'll eat whatever's left."


I said, "I hope you're hungry, because they've cut off the electricity this morning."

[Johnny 216GSi]

I've just had a former pilot redecorate the house.

He made a right mess of the downstairs, but the landing was fantastic.

[ReubenVP]

Fuming. Absolutely fuming. Paid a joiner to build a single bed, and he's done a bunk....
It's just one thing on top of another.

[Stan Thomas]

Was Christiaan Bernard a man after my own heart?

[Stan Thomas]

What is the shortest period of time that can ever be recorded?

It is when a traffic light turns green, and an Italian starts sounding his horn.

[ReubenVP]

Did you hear the one about a magic tractor?

It went down the road and turned into a field!

[ReubenVP]

A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if they need help with their luggage.


They said "No, I'm travelling light."

[Stan Thomas]

I thought VAT 69 was the Pope's phone number!

[Johnny 216GSi]

To the person who stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you. You have my Word.