[Johnny 216GSi]

Two nuns go driving between convents, when a vampire jumps onto the bonnet.

One nun says "Quick! Show him your cross."

The other nun agrees and shouts "Get the F**K off my car!"

[ReubenVP]

A jump lead walks into a bar.

The Bartender said "Don't start anything!"

[Stan Thomas]

Apparently Father Christmas had an horendous accident last Christmas Eve night whilst delivering toys to the children in Germany when his sleigh went crashing through the roof of an out building - although Santa remains adamant he had distinctly told Rudolf to land on the roof of the Schmitt house.

[ReubenVP]

What do you call a medieval spy?

Sir Veillance.

[ReubenVP]

Why are soldiers never locked out of their vehicles?

Because they always have their Khakis with them.

[Stan Thomas]

If the man who invented the drawing board had made a mistake - what could he have gone back to?

[Stan Thomas]

Why is there only one Monopolies Commission?

[ReubenVP]

Did you hear the one about the giant throwing up?


It's all over town!

[Stan Thomas]

Keir Starmer has just said on telly that if he becomes P.M. the first thing he will do is halve the length of the dole queues.

As from Friday, you queue two deep!

[ReubenVP]

I used to go out with a girl called Sue Denim, until I found out it wasn't her real name.