[StubbornPatriot]

My wife and I were in town the other day. We walked past the doorway of an expensive French restaurant.

"Ooh, that smells heavenly", my wife effused.

I smiled at her, "I'll tell you what. I'll treat you."

. . . and walked her past the doorway again.

[SteveB]

I told my wife she’d drawn her eyebrows too high.

She looked surprised…

[ReubenVP]

Don't be worried about your smartphone or TV spying on you.

Your vacuum cleaner has been gathering dirt on you for years.

[SteveB]

We've just sold our vacuum cleaner.

Well... it was only collecting dust.

Tim Vine

[ReubenVP]

I have a pen that can write underwater.

It can write other words too.

[ReubenVP]

Why don't skeletons fight each other?

They haven't got the guts.

[ReubenVP]

Before the crowbar was invented, crows had to drink at home.

[StubbornPatriot]

I went to the GP the other day. He said, "You haven't got arthritis. You've got early onset rigor mortis".

[ReubenVP]

Not to brag, but I have sychic powers.


For example, right now you're thinking:

"It's psychic, you idiot."

[Johnny 216GSi]

Someone broke into my house last night and stole my limbo trophy.

How low can you go?