[ReubenVP]

What did the tectonic plate say when it bumped into another tectonic plate?

"Sorry that's my fault."

[GTiJohn]

Ruben's still on top form

[ReubenVP]

Just bought a sweet car online.

Previously owned by Neil Diamond.

[Johnny 216GSi]

How does the Pope pay for things he orders online?

He uses Papal

[ReubenVP]

I went to my local Costa Coffee shop this morning and said to the Barista:
"Can I have a Cappuccino, please?"

She said:
"Is that to sit in?"

I said:
"No, I'm going to drink it."

[ReubenVP]

Dr Watson was still drinking after closing time in the pub.

"Come on." said the barman. "Haven't you got Holmes to go to?"

[ReubenVP]

I was in the Post Office queue yesterday when Diana Ross tried to push in.

I said "You can't hurry love, you'll just have to wait...."

[ReubenVP]

How do you weight a Millennial?

In Instagrams.

[Liverpoolman1]

My dentist has just been arrested for drug dealing. I didn't realise that he was a dentist.

[ReubenVP]

The Police just knocked on my door to tell me my dog was chasing a child on their bike,
I just closed the door, my dog doesn't have a bike.