[ReubenVP]

Last night when I was drunk, I tried to impress my friends by swallowing a bunch of Scrabble tiles.


My next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster.

[SteveB]

Man: Doctor, I keep thinking I’m a dog.

Doctor: Ok, lie on the couch and tell me all about it.

Man: I’m not allowed on the couch.

[ReubenVP]

The orchestra leader was hit by lightning.

Unfortunately they were a good conductor.

[Johnny 216GSi]

I've just got a job as a nursery rhyme cow.

I'm over the moon.

[ReubenVP]

A pre-Halloween joke...


"OK, and what's the problem?"

"Well doctor, a wolf bit me."

"Where?"

"No, just an ordinary one."

[ReubenVP]

My friend says I'm getting fat, but in my defence....


..I've had a lot on my plate recently.

[ReubenVP]

Two trucks collided at the local railway bridge.... a Cadbury truck and a Lego truck.


It's choc a block.

[ReubenVP]

I got an invitation to the local archaeology group for a leg bone party.

Should be quite a shindig.

[StubbornPatriot]

The great thing about life insurance? You don't need to worry about losing your no claims bonus.

[ReubenVP]

I went to the doctor and said I thought I'd broken my arm in two places, they had a go at me and said to me...

just don't go to those places anymore!