[Johnny 216GSi]

I rubbed tomato ketchup into my eyes.

I wouldn't do it again, in Heinz-sight.

[Johnny 216GSi]

Why did the male owl abandon his attempts to date a female owl in the rain?

It was too wet to woo.

[Johnny 216GSi]

My family have been Conga champions for decades.

I'm the last in a long line.

[ReubenVP]

Someone at the airport fainted and fell on the carousel, they're slowly coming round.

[ReubenVP]

Can anyone tell me what oblivious means, because I have no idea.

[Johnny 216GSi]

Why doesn't Elton John eat Iceberg lettuce?

Because he's a rocket man.




Why did the man fall down the well?

Because he didn't see that well.




I wasn't too hungry when I arrived at the fast food chain, so I had a kid's meal.

His mother wasn't too happy.





I don't trust stairs.

They're always up to something.




A man walked into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm.

The man says, "Pint please, and one for the road".




A man on Australian Bake-Off made a meringue and everyone cheered.

Which is odd, because Australians usually Boomerang.




I wrote a song about a Tortilla once.

Well, it was more of a wrap.

[Johnny 216GSi]

I went to the doctors because my hearing had been getting worse.

He said I needed some quality sleep.

So I tried that but it didn't improve things, although I did enjoy the chocolate.

[Johnny 216GSi]

To the person who stole my glasses.

I will find you. I have contacts.

[ReubenVP]

Why don't dwarves shop at Aldi?

Because they're Lidl people.

[ReubenVP]

I was stopped by the police last week, no idea why but they asked, "Where were you between six and seven?"

I said, "I was in primary school."