[Johnny 216GSi]

I spent a lot of money recently hiring a limousine for someone's birthday party.

It turned up on the back of a low-loader, without a driver!!!

I couldn't believe it. I'd spent all that money, and I had nothing to chau ffeur it.

[ReubenVP]

Did you know, if you get pregnant in the Amazon, it's next-day delivery!

[Johnny 216GSi]

I upgraded my phone recently by deleting all my German contacts.

Now it's Hans free.

[ReubenVP]

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To see their flatmate.

[Johnny 216GSi]

In a restaurant recently, I ordered Tiramisu for dessert.

The waiter brought me a blindfolded horse.

I said "No, masc a poney".

[ReubenVP]

Two cowboys are lost in the desert and are on the point of starvation.

One cowboy sees a tree that’s draped in bacon.

“A bacon tree! We’re saved!” He says.

He runs to the tree and is shot up with bullets.


It wasn’t a bacon tree, it was a ham bush.

[Johnny 216GSi]

[Johnny 216GSi]

I went to a terrible pub recently. The beer was warm, the food was stone cold, the whole place was dirty and the other people in there were loud and obnoxious.

It was called "The Fiddle". Avoid it at all costs.

It really was a Vile Inn.

[Dorchester]

for both of you!

[Stan Thomas]

Came out the Co-op and a lady selling magazines said "Big Issue"?

I said "no thanks, the ones I'm wearing are a perfect fit".



Two Irishmen were walking past a wood yard and saw a notice which said "Tree Fellers Wanted", and the one said to the other "If there was another one of us, we could have got all those jobs".