[ReubenVP]

What kind of car does a sheep drive?

A Lamborghini.


Just kidding. Sheep can't afford a Lambo. They just take an Ewe-ber.

[SteveB]

The first time I bought a universal remote control I thought to myself;

"This changes everything."

[SteveB]

I wasn’t that hungry, so I just ate a kid’s meal at McDonald’s.

His mother was furious.

[Stan Thomas]

Someone bounced a cheque in our local Nationwide branch. The Czec's name was Anton Pozniack

[Stan Thomas]

A whale diving deeply into the ocean depths came upon a foundering squid struggling to survive, and upon becoming aware of it's plight, the whale told the squid to hang on to his fin, and he would take him back to the surface where surely the fresh air and sunlight would help him recover.

Upon reaching the surface however, the whale saw his blubber-in-law a few hundred yards away, and swimming over to him he said:

"Hey Fred, here's that sick squid I owe you"

[SteveB]

I warned the wife the local tattoo artist was no good.

Sure enough, she came home with disappointment written all over her face!

[ReubenVP]

I was never good at fishing.

Until I got a herring aid.

[ReubenVP]

A small meteorite is reported headed for Legoland.


The damage is expected to be 50 square blocks.

[ReubenVP]

I went to the doctor with a suspicious looking mole.


My doctor said they all look like that and I should've left it in the garden.

[Stan Thomas]

Staffordshire County Council are advertising for road sweepers with potential earnings as high as £1150 per week, and by union agrrement you only have to sweep two roads each day.

................ The M5 and the M6.